Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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