Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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