Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize