sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It's rum buckets o'clock
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
