Can i not drive my cunt home
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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