I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
