Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
