My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
