Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
