me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
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So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
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I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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