Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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