you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
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I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize