how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
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