do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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