is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
