I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize