he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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