exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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