You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
