You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
