I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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