It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck