I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.