the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.