so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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