508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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