yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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