I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
