eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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