K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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