No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
