You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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