I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
