You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
