Your face is a jimmy john
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
