The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
