STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
