That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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