Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
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