Soap is not a condiment
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
