I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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