I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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