My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
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