he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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