Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
