thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
