Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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