At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
