Texts From Last Night

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  (323): View more from California

  don't go home with that guy from jersey

  (626): View more from California

  i know, not worth the blood test

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  (323): don't go home with that guy from jersey (626): i know, not worth the blood test http://tfl.nu/va7v
  Replies (5) Good night (614) Bad night (1085)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You look like a girl that would like strip clubs

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  (732): You look like a girl that would like strip clubs http://tfl.nu/jf13
  Replies (17) Good night (2718) Bad night (841)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.

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  (520): I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs. http://tfl.nu/cv5b
  Replies (5) Good night (3593) Bad night (835)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"

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  (613): Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?" http://tfl.nu/jp4f
  Replies (14) Good night (1302) Bad night (5692)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.

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  (216): I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed. http://tfl.nu/uoo7
  Replies (15) Good night (691) Bad night (3022)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.

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  (864): We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian. http://tfl.nu/x5ta
  Replies (18) Good night (7216) Bad night (2255)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.

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  (802): Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you. http://tfl.nu/ose0
  Replies (3) Good night (886) Bad night (3168)
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  How sober do you have to be to donate blood?

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  (979): How sober do you have to be to donate blood? http://tfl.nu/9d8c
  Replies (9) Good night (3590) Bad night (1146)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.

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  (250): for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know. http://tfl.nu/4n1i
  Replies (7) Good night (3568) Bad night (779)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.

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  (778): It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman. http://tfl.nu/chx9
  Replies (8) Good night (1857) Bad night (1493)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.

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  (617): Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now. http://tfl.nu/a4db
  Replies (2) Good night (1630) Bad night (879)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too

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  (925): I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too http://tfl.nu/v7gc
  Replies (12) Good night (1660) Bad night (987)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!

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  (602): Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both! http://tfl.nu/0dax
  Replies (4) Good night (1397) Bad night (463)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer

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  (615): The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer http://tfl.nu/n78o
  Replies (2) Good night (908) Bad night (402)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.

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  (415): Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week. http://tfl.nu/dhvq
  Replies (1) Good night (662) Bad night (252)

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