Texts From Last Night

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  (562): View more from California

  glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore

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  (562): glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore http://tfl.nu/a739
  Replies (26) Good night (694) Bad night (834)
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  (949): View more from California

  i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit

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  (949): i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit http://tfl.nu/gr8g
  Replies (13) Good night (3088) Bad night (888)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.

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  (207): I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated. http://tfl.nu/fawe
  Replies (8) Good night (671) Bad night (2154)
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital

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  (416): Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital http://tfl.nu/9amh
  Replies (5) Good night (3979) Bad night (643)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.

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  (917): It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met. http://tfl.nu/1axf
  Replies (21) Good night (4564) Bad night (1140)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.

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  (765): I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings. http://tfl.nu/mgul
  Replies (26) Good night (9413) Bad night (1005)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"

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  (978): please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker" http://tfl.nu/kgaf
  Replies (15) Good night (2022) Bad night (5459)
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  (916): View more from California

  17 year olds will be the death of me.

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  (916): 17 year olds will be the death of me. http://tfl.nu/j3yc
  Replies (36) Good night (3721) Bad night (2784)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."

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  (734): We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing." http://tfl.nu/cqut
  Replies (16) Good night (6137) Bad night (849)
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  (310): View more from California

  I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.

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  (310): I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer. http://tfl.nu/s9s7
  Replies (6) Good night (2578) Bad night (948)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!

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  (207): this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go! http://tfl.nu/gugi
  Replies (4) Good night (2276) Bad night (760)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.

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  (404): Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to. http://tfl.nu/ye3d
  Replies (5) Good night (463) Bad night (283)
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?

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  (620): I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough? http://tfl.nu/xi1b
  Replies (4) Good night (492) Bad night (303)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.

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  (469): The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us. http://tfl.nu/te9o
  Replies (3) Good night (623) Bad night (325)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.

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  (706): The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done. http://tfl.nu/bycu
  Replies (0) Good night (400) Bad night (138)

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