i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
That's what I'm talking about
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN