So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.