If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
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