Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea