if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
