I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i will never coherently bang her
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
