somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
