If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
