I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
