If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
