Umm I'm too high to move.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
