Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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