just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
