wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
