I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
