Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
