Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
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For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
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I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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