If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
