Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
