well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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