that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
