Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
