My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Vodka?
Forever.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
