In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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