your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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