what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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