If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
