just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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